Hepburn After Reading
Posted by Rich on November 8, 2008 under Boys and Girls, Guest Stars, Social Awareness, gender relations | 
Audrey Hepburn
Let’s get this out in the open: I am a hopeless romantic. I believe in one true love for all. I wish for the fairy tale ending to every story. I watch and thoroughly enjoy what can only be described as “chick flicks.” I’m a working 20-something male and am not ashamed to announce any one of these things in public. So, you may be wondering why (as alluded to in my previous article) I am single.
This week, I would like to take a retrospective look at modern society’s portrayal of women. Yes, that sound you hear is that of a dead horse being beaten, but I’d like to take that a bit further and look at why, I believe, the odds for men like myself are quickly dwindling and what we can do about it.
Hollywood has always been the place to go when it comes to finding out what’s hot. From societal roles to the latest fashion trends, nothing causes change more than the entertainment media business. Living in fabulous Los Angeles myself, I get to see the types of shenanigans they pull first hand. In particular, let’s take a look at the film industry. Where have all the Arianes [1] gone? Where are the Ilsas [2] of our time? Or, for our younger audience, where are all of the Rorys [3] hiding?
These women, and the real ones they are meant to represent, have become few and far between. Hollywood, it seems, has decided that the portrayal of women as innocent and, dare I say, human was far too PG for their liking. Over the past few decades, we have witnessed actresses turn from clean, family entertainers to scantily clad sex symbols. As the human beings we are, such changes have influenced more women to explore this alternate lifestyle. Sure, eye candy is nice and they can be great for flirting with, but women like this aren’t really the type men choose to have continued relations with.
So, back to the point. If women keep flocking to Hollywood’s latest lifestyle, where are we men supposed to find the real girls? Well, the best way to find them is to stop looking. Stop bar-hopping. Enough with the clubbing. No more ballroom dancing — unless you’re really in to that sort of thing, in which case, go you! These places (except maybe for dance studios) were created strictly to position you in to awkward situations with members of the opposite sex in hopes of getting one another inebriated enough to endure a one night stand with the intention of doing it all over again the following night. Audrey Hepburn would not sleep with you after one drunken dry humping session on the dance floor, so why would you expect your future girlfriend to?
Cosmo suggests looking for single men here.
Continue doing whatever it is you normally do and she will find you. Do you like to read? Try taking a book to the local park and find yourself a comfortable tree. Enjoy coffee in the morning? Hit up Starbucks every once in awhile. Fascinated by computers? Stop by your local Apple store [4].
Go back and reread the first paragraph of this post. Does it make me seem less manly? Who cares! I have plenty of other testosterone-pumping activities that balance me out. Let your true self be known to others. If you don’t, you risk finding someone who isn’t really compatible with you. I made that mistake once before and it took me nearly a year to figure it out. Letting your whole self be shown right off the bat will quickly separate the Melanies from the Scarlets [5] and greatly increase your chances of finding the one. Your true love is out there this very moment trying just as hard to find you. Stop contributing to the status quo and you will find each other. I promise.
1. Audrey Hepburn as Ariana Chavasee in “Love in the Afternoon” (1957)
2. Ingrid Bergman as Ilsa Lund in “Casablanca” (1942)
3. Alexis Bledel as Rory Gilmore in “Gilmore Girls”
4. Via Cosmopolitan article “Best Places to Meet a Guy;” http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/dating/best-places-to-meet-men
5. Scarlett O’Hara and Melanie Hamilton from “Gone with the Wind” (1939)
Julia said,
Alex, do you have brothers?
Just kidding! Someone had to say it.
Nina said,
I really liked your thoughts and agree with 99% of it. There’s just one sentence that caught my attention and my mind went ‘uh oh.’ That was: “Continue doing whatever it is you normally do and she will find you.” The reason my mind wen ‘uh oh’ is I think most girls assume that the guy will find her. So, assuming we have great normal people who both do what they like, and they see each other, say, at the library every week, at some point or another someone’s going to have to do the asking. It’s also assuming that people have fun social-oriented hobbies like dancing and hiking vs. sitting at home playing guitar hero. Anyway, just thought I’d throw those two things out there, but I totally agree with the jist of your article.
Alex said,
@Julia:
Well, Rich is like a brother to me. He’s the author of this post, and we think he’s pretty swell.
@Nina:
I think you make a good point. Someone has to be brave and savvy enough to take the initiative!
Bridget said,
I agree with Nina! In Audrey’s era, men actually approached women and asked them out on [hushed murmur] dates! The misguided sexual liberation front of the past years is exactly what has either pacified or confused men into not taking the action. To all men: if you want a woman, you have to pursue her!
Stephanie said,
Amen! I get so frustrated when men whine about how they’re alone, but they never ask girls out for dates. One of the frustrating things about being one of those nice girls is waiting on a guy to get up the guts to freakin woo you.
J'net said,
note:
‘whoo’ and ‘pursue’ do not mean ’stalk.’
just sayin’.
Rich said,
Wow. I didn’t realize I had sparked a heated debate. I should clarify one thing, however. The point of this article seems to have been skewed over a few select words.
“Continue doing whatever it is you normally do and she will find you.”
I admit, this probably shouldn’t have gotten past my editing. I am in complete agreement with the majority here that members of both sexes must act on their desires for anything to come to fruition. The overall purpose of the article is for men to stop changing their ways in order to find happiness. That does not mean stop trying. Quite the contrary, instead of spending so much time working on new pickup lines or learning to hip hop for the club, we should be excelling at our current activities. Your partner may just be your online gaming rival or working behind the counter at your favorite local coffee house. Use your already existent social connections instead of quickly making new ones.
Julia said,
Haha! I did internalize the fact that Rich wrote this post. Apologies to Alex!
I actually agree with “Continue doing what you like…”, etc. It’s worked OK for me thus far. It also helps you do what you like more than you may ordinarily.
And mad props to being wooed! As someone who has been wooed, it’s awfully fun to be able to plan fun “woo”s. I think if you call it “wooing”, it adds a good note of respect perhaps overlooked in plain ol’ dating.
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